


ASSASSINBOUND: AN ASSASSIN'S CREED AND HOMESTUCK CROSSOVER FAN ADVENTURE

by coramatus



Category: Assassin's Creed - All Media Types, Homestuck
Genre: Embedded Video, Heavy Use of Images, Multi, On AO3 so Tumblr doesn't eat it, Originally Posted on Tumblr, dead fic sorry, that i made
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-17 10:11:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13656858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coramatus/pseuds/coramatus
Summary: It's January 11th, 2011 and a young man stands in the crumbling ruins of an old shitty castle.His name is Altaïr ibn-La'Ahad.It's his 13th birthday and to celebrate, he and his five internet friends are going to play a new game called Sburb...[Incomplete, Uploaded to AO3 for posterity]





	1. Chapter 1

> **START GAME.**

A young man stands in the courtyard of a drafty old Syrian fortress. It just so happens that today, the 11th of January, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name! What will the name of this young man be?

> **Enter name.**

> **Try again.**

> **Contemplate existence.**


	2. Chapter 2

> **Contemplate existence.**

Your name is ALTAÏR IBN-LA'AHAD. As mentioned before today is your THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY, which you've never really cared about that much to begin with. But if you did care, you would call today the WORST BIRTHDAY EVER. All of this centers around the fact that you're stuck in this SHITTY OLD FORTRESS and you've got better things to do. But alas, you're here for a REASON and will stick around even if it sucks.

Officially, your interests all revolve around the ASSASSIN BROTHERHOOD and its goal of WORLD PEACE THROUGH FREEDOM FOR ALL. And by furthering the Brotherhood's goals, you mean PROVING YOURSELF TO BE THE BEST THERE IS. This entails being the best at FIGHTING, STEALTHINESS, FREE-RUNNING, and most importantly, the subtle art of ASSASSINATION.

But if you were being honest with yourself, you also have slight passion for ANCIENT HISTORY, ILLUSTRATION, ENGINEERING, and a bit of COSTUMING on the side. But no one else needs to know that.

Your chumhandle is alamutsChampion and when you aren't typing in Arabic, your English sounds stilted because you are not used to the language.

What will you do?

> **Altaïr: Quickly retrieve arms!**


	3. Chapter 3

> **Altaïr: Quickly retrieve arms!**

Uh... you HAVE arms.

Look, they're right there! It's not like you're being rendered in an art style so simplistic that limbs occasionally disappear for convenience.

Now seriously, what will you do next?

> **Altaïr: Take off your pants and shit on the road.**

What the fuck?! That is the most disgusting idea you've ever heard!!

And it's not the ground needs anymore crap on it.

> **Altaïr: Cluck like a chicken and shit on the floor.**

Again, gross.

Though you have to admit, clucking like a chicken could be a useful tactic in inducing confusion in your opponents.

> **Altaïr: Think about girlfriend.**

Girlfriend?

You haven't got a girlfriend.

> **=== >**

You've got friends who are girls sure.

Two of them are pretty awesome.

But you'd question your friendship with the third.

> **Altaïr: Where are your hidden blades, son? Didn't I tell you not to leave them at home?**

Don't be stupid. You keep your hidden blades on you at all times.

Just not on your arms.

> **Altaïr: Pester one of your asshole friends.**

You would but, the wi-fi here doesn't really work outside of the building. You blame the solid stone walls for cutting off it's signal.

Besides, you stepped out here for some fresh air and a bit of exercise, cause you can only take so much sitting in a dusty old building.

> **Altaïr: Pester Malik!**

That's not going to be a good idea.

It wouldn't work anyway since he deleted his account a few months back.

> **Altaïr: Explore the old fort and find something awesome!**

You’ve already done that!

Several times already.

Your discoveries, or at least what you did manage to find, are safely stored back in the MAIN BUILDING. And you can say you’re positive that you’ve gotten all the bits the archaeologists missed thanks to that little SPECIAL TALENT of yours...

> **=== >**

As for exploring... Well, it can't hurt to do a QUICK SURVEY of the area to make sure everything's in order. Besides, you stepped out here for some PHYSICAL ACTIVITY, so you might as well kill two birds with one stone.

> **Altaïr: Examine fortress.**


	4. Chapter 4

> **Altaïr: Examine fortress.**

What's left of this fortress is ANCIENT AND FALLING APART, which in the logic of academia means it's considered a historic treasure. You'd have to agree because this fortress actually was historically important to the Assassins. But it's not like they use it anymore though. They quit doing that hundreds of years ago, because seriously, could they be any more OBVIOUS?

Nowadays, it's a lively tourist spot that the Assassins get a little funding off of. It's the off season now, which makes the perfect excuse to lock you in here to do some UPKEEP AND PUNISHMENT all in one.

But for the next few minutes, it'll be your own PERSONAL PLAYGROUND.

> **Altaïr: Select destination.**

You examine the crumbling walls surrounding you. It doesn't take long since you already know all the best places to go.

There's a good spot on top of that broken wall up there.

> **Altaïr: GO!**

As if you need a reminder.

> **=== >**

You charge straight at the wall-

> **=== >**

-pulling off a perfect WALL RUN-

> **=== >**

-and...

Gotcha!

> **=== >**

Now we're in business!

> **=== >**

You have to admit that this is one of the TOUGHER WALLS to climb in this complex. Not as many cracks and displaced stones as the other parts.

But like hell if you're going to give up on a CHALLENGE.

> **=== >**

Especially if you know the payoff is going to be WORTH IT in the end.

> **=== >**

It's a good thing too since you can see the LEDGE coming up in front of you!

> **=== >**

And...

Made it!

> **=== >**

Damn, that's one sweet view.

> **Altaïr: Synchronize viewpoint.**

...Synchronize what now?

> **Altaïr: Fondly regard lands below.**

Even though you've been up here over a dozen times already, you still have to marvel at the scenery surrounding you.

At your feet lay what remains of MASYAF CASTLE, now in ruins thanks to TIME, NATURE, AND ANGRY MONGOLIANS. You've been shoved in here for about FOUR DAYS now, which is more than enough time for you to have STUCK YOUR NOSE into every little nook and cranny. By now, you'd say you know this place like the backs of your nine-and-a-half fingered hands.

To the north and east lie the AN-NUSAYRIYAH MOUNTAINS, which you'd normally consider GIANT HILLS if you weren't living in one of the craggier parts, no thanks to the giant gorges formed by the ORONTES RIVER rushing through far below.

Further south you can see the city that is MASYAF, its skyline low but bristling with antennae and crisscrossed with lines of wires. It is an OLD CITY, expanded far beyond the confines of its original village with an added SPLASH OF THE MODERN WORLD.

You would normally be down there in the streets, testing your URBAN FREERUNNING SKILLS against your peers. Or you would be in one of the more secluded buildings, TUTORED by one of the many teachers stationed here. And if not training, you would at least be MESSING AROUND with both your REAL LIFE and ONLINE FRIENDS.

But that's all behind you now.

> **=== > **

The lands are desolate. A storm is rolling in. Wind howls through the mountain perch of this ancient fortress, blowing with it the dust of ages and the history of your predecessors. But it is an anguished howl for the blood spilled in the name of freedom in the long winding path known as time leading up to the now.

It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life. Your lost freedom is yet another stark reminder of your place in the world, not as Savior, but as Destroyer. A role which you had gladly played up until it had robbed something of great value, not to yourself, but to those you loved. In that loss, you were deemed guilty and cast off like so many bloodied and stained bandages. It is the price you will solemnly bear for however long it takes until penance finds you.

"The tongue of a man is one half, and the other half is his mind, and here is nothing besides these two, except the shape of the blood and the flesh." - Ahmed Shawqi

You're certain that Ahmed Shawqi wrote that. Completely one hundred percent positive.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

> **Altaïr: Get back down.**


	5. Chapter 5

> **Altaïr: Get back down.**

You peer over the ledge.

It's a long way down.

You could climb the way you came, but why would you when you've already mastered the ASSASSIN'S SHORT CUT.

> **Altaïr: Leap of Faith.**

This is the first thing that you accomplished faster than anyone else in your class.

Heights never freaked you out. So why should taking a CALCULATED DIVE do the same?

> **=== >**

The feeling of the air rushing past as you maneuver yourself in midair to slow your momentum gives you the biggest RUSH you've ever felt in your life. How could you pass up an opportunity for exhilaration like this?

Yet you wonder why your friends call you a SUICIDAL IDIOT.

> **Altaïr: Land already.**

> **=== >**

Thank god you found those EXTRA HAY BALES meant for the mountain tour donkeys. No way you'd have done this without knowing something was there to cushion your fall. And what better than the CLASSIC HAY PILE?

> **=== >**

> **=== >**

Pluh!

At least this stuff is mostly clean.

> **=== >**

Picking out HAY BITS from your clothes can be an ordeal in of itself. You're always going to find some in places you didn't think hay would stick to... 

> **?!**

Oh.

> **Altaïr: Head back.**

Fun time's over.

> **=== >**

Oh well.

At least you managed to do some climbing before the rest of the day gets the better of you. 

> **Altaïr: Investigate source of sound.**


	6. Chapter 6

> **Altaïr: Investigate source of sound.**

You already know what's making it since you'd set it that way. It should be right where you left it- Aha!

> **Altaïr: Turn off alarm.**

Hold your horses-

There.

Back to listening to the boring sounds of monotonous solitude.

> **Altaïr: Check time.**

1:30.

Great.

You have thirty minutes to kill until he gets here.

> **Altaïr: Go into your room.**

Room?

You've never really had your own room. You mostly lived in dormitories with other kids and the idea of having a whole room to yourself is a bit strange.

But you have commandeered a space in the Masyaf castle that is kind of acting like a room.

> **Altaïr: Go into commandeered space.**

You make your way into the castle's on-site office, a more recent fixture added in to help manage the crowds of tourists that come to marvel at the crumbling architecture. It also happens to be the only insulated space in these mostly exposed ruins, because like hell you're going to let yourself freeze to death in the mountain winter nights.

> **=== >**

It's a fairly ordinary office, mostly taken up by tables, desks, and filing cabinets. What makes this a much more livable space is that it has electricity and internet access, much to your relief. You've pretty much settled in and made yourself comfortable, since you know you're going to be in here for the long run.

You think you've managed to make the bland office look a little more cozy.

> **Altaïr: Access internet.**


	7. Chapter 7

> **Altaïr: Access internet.**

Ohhh... you can't do that! You'd need a computer to get online and uh... they made sure that you didn't bring your LAPTOP with you, no siree... It's not like you totally HID IT somewhere they'd never think to look. If you did it'd be considered CONTRABAND and you totally don't have anything like that! Hahaha... ha...

Ah who are you kidding, you totally snuck your laptop in.

> **Altaïr: Take out contraband.**

You think you're finally in the clear from surprise inspections so your laptop ought to be safe out in the open for today.

You pull out your Sylladex and access the captchalouge card containing your journal that doubles as a sketchbook. While you could just take out the book, the card itself hides a little secret.

> **=== >**

You flip a hidden trigger in the corner and a smaller card pops out, this one holding your laptop, which you take out and set on the desk. The hidden card slides back into the journal's card, ready for whatever you want to put in it next.

> **Altaïr: Consider Sylladex.**

The Sylladex: the newest technological marvel produced when it comes to item storage.

It's a little baffling at first, but Sylladexes are essentially abstract inventories that can store real world items in a convenient yet out of the way method. Once you have one, you place items into a captchalogue card, which can then be drawn out in various ways depending on the modus the sylladex is set to. The one limiting factor to it is in how many captchalogue cards you have on hand. It's possible to get more, but you're in no position to go off and buy a few extra cards. It's not like you need them anyways.

Of course, when it came out onto the market, the leaders of the Brotherhood collectively flipped a shit, if only because they got so caught off guard by the almost magical nature of the thing. Afterwards, they apparently tried to infiltrate the company that made it, only to constantly get rebuffed in all sorts of embarrassing ways.

In your part, you just ignored the crazy adults and got one for yourself despite their paranoia.

> **Altaïr: Consider Modus.**

It's sneaky and a slightly tricky set up, but you think the Hidden Modus works out well for a stealthy assassin-to-be like you. Though taking time out of your day to hide things inside other things can get annoying at times, especially with a limit based on the size of the object you want to hide stuff in.

Thankfully, you happen to like extra large journals/sketchbooks, so hiding your smaller laptop in it was no problem.

> **Altaïr: Captchalogue watch.**

You pull out your sylladex once again and scan through all your belongings. This time you select your proper alarm clock and hit the switch on it. The card that pops out is empty, meaning you're free to put your wristwatch in it.

Hitting the switch again, the watch card slides back into the clock card and you stuff the whole thing back into your sylladex.

> **Altaïr: Examine laptop.**

This is a STANDARD ISSUE laptop for Assassins responsible enough to be TRUSTED with one. This particular model was actually designed and manufactured by the Assassins themselves, up until their MORTAL ENEMIES pulled some strings and PUT THEM OUT OF BUSINESS. Yours is one of the few still left.

But for it's rarity, it's got some pretty standard features you'd find on a lot of other laptops, like a decent WEBCAM AND MICROPHONE, WI-FI capabilities, alright SPEAKERS, and GOOD PROCESSING POWER. You suppose the only thing that might give one pause is that you've got ARABIC KEYBOARD STICKERS, but that's hardly a surprise to anyone in this part of the world.

What really makes this an ASSASSIN LAPTOP are some SPECIAL FEATURES of particular use to those in your future profession. You're sure no layperson needs a REALTIME GPS and TRACKING SYSTEM, HOMING BEACONS, a COMPLETE DATABASE of nearly all the world's knowledge, and a SELF-DESTRUCT FUNCTION, which you are staying far the hell away from.

> **Altaïr: Consider nature of the Assassins.**

...Why?

You've lived under their care for your entire life and know everything by heart already. What good would reviewing that be?

Besides, if someone asks for an EXPLANATION, you're the wrong person to go to. You've sworn to keep that part of your life SECRET and no one's getting that out of you.

> **Altaïr: Access computer.**


	8. Chapter 8

> **Altaïr: Access computer.**

You turn on the laptop and wait for it to boot up. Fortunately, it doesn't take long since you don't have too much going on in your desktop. Just shortcuts to the necessities: e-mail client, web browser, word processor, and some image editing software.

But at the insistence of your online friends, you also went and downloaded this free chat program called Pesterchum. You think the name is dumb as all hell, but it's been a pretty reliable little program.

> **Altaïr: Check Pesterchum.**

It's been a while since you'd last bothered to check in with your online friends through Pesterchum, so you log in to see who's around.

> **=== >**

From the looks of things, everyone on this side of the world is also hanging around. As for your friends on the other hemisphere, one of them is still out, likely trying to sleep. And the other-

Oh wow, that's not good. You'll check in later and see if things are alright.

As it stands, you're not sure if you're in the mood to catch up with them and decide to log off.

> **!!!**

OK, you were going to log off, but it looks like someone's decided to message you.

> **Altaïr: See who it is.**

God damn are you popular today!

It seems like everyone's decided to talk to you at the same time.

Sheesh, who should you answer first?

> **Altaïr: Choose templariaAntiqua.**


	9. Chapter 9

> **Altaïr: Choose templariaAntiqua.**

You decide to reply to templariaAntiqua first, only because you want to get this over with as fast as you can.

If she’s this eager to talk to you, it can’t mean anything good. Not for you anyways.

> **Altaïr: Open templariaAntiqua's window.**

****

**\-- templariaAntiqua [TA] began pestering alamutsChampion [AC] \--**

TA: Hello again, idiot.

> **=== >**

...What else should you have expected from her?

> **=== >**

AC: Go away.  
TA: Really?  
TA: I haven't seen you around for a month and that's the first thing you have to say to me??  
TA: I can hardly believe you!  
TA: Where's your sense of chivalry?  
AC: You threw that out the window by calling me an idiot.  
AC: I do not have be polite when you begin a conversation like that.  
TA: Aww what's the matter?  
TA: You normally don't even react to that that bit.  
TA: Got sand down your pants?  
TA: Was your little holiday not relaxing enough for you?  
AC: Holiday?  
AC: I have been preoccupied.  
TA: Too preoccupied to not bother showing up online for an entire month?  
TA: Ha!  
TA: Like I believe that.  
AC: Believe what you want.  
AC: But I would not have been offline for so long if there was not something keeping me from it.  
TA: What? Was your stupid mentor making you do cartwheels again?  
AC: No.  
AC: And even if he did, it is none of your business.  
TA: So he did make you do something stupid.  
TA: I fucking knew it!  
AC: Shut up.  
AC: If it was not for the fact that I had other things to worry about, then I would blame you for driving me off the internet for so long.  
TA: Next time you do, take care to leave a note.  
TA: I actually got slightly worried about you!  
TA: In fact, if it wasn't for CG I'd have thought you died!  
AC: And that would have been such a tragedy for you.  
TA: Oi! I'm showing you concern here!  
TA: Can't blame me with all the shit going on down where you are.  
TA: How is all that going by the way?  


> **=== >**

AC: Uh.  
AC: It has been about the same. I am still fairly safe where I live.  
TA: Ah.  
TA: That's good.  
TA: But that still doesn't explain where you gallivanted off to be so "preoccupied".  
TA: Preeeetty sure you took a holiday.  
AC: I did not go anywhere.  
AC: And I do not want to talk about it.  
TA: You never want to talk about anything.  
AC: With you?  
AC: No.  
TA: Altair!  
TA: You wound me!  
TA: How could you be so cruel to a lady??  
AC: You are not a lady, you are a jerk.  
TA: Hey! >:(  
TA: Keep up with that attitude and see if I tell you about any changes in our game plans.  
AC: I hardly need you to tell me anything when I could simply ask CG.  
AC: Besides, she has been keeping me up to date.  
TA: Then tell me, genius: What is the plan now?  
AC: I believe they were the same as before.  
TA: What, really? Nothing's changed?  
AC: What do you mean?  
AC: You do not know?  
TA: Uh...  
TA: No.  
AC: Really?  
TA: Not this time anyways!  
TA: I'm a little behind on things myself.  
TA: And you shut up, I was busy!  
AC: Alright.  
TA: What.  
TA: Alright??  
TA: That a sarcastic alright or an alright alright?  
AC: Why would I need to be sarcastic?  
AC: I am simply accepting the fact that you were busy.  
AC: Like a NORMAL person.  
TA: Normal is boring.  
TA: Poking holes in your story is so much more fun.  
TA: Now seriously, what the hell is going on with this Sburb business?  
AC: Why not just ask CG instead of me?  
TA: But I'm asking YOU!  
TA: Would you really leave me in the lurch like that??  
AC: Fine.  
AC: We are playing as soon as they release it, in about an hour I think.  
AC: Though we have not decided on the entry sequence yet.  
TA: Still?  
TA: Man, CG must be off her game if she hasn't got that done yet.  
TA: It's practically the last minute if we're starting immediately!  
AC: I am certain that she has her reasons.  
TA: Yeah, I guess.  
TA: But if that's the case.  
TA: How about we get that last bit over with now?  


> **=== >**

AC: What?  
AC: No.  
AC: You do not have the authority to decide.  
TA: What authority?  
TA: You mean CG?  
AC: Who else??  
TA: And this is CG we're talking about.  
TA: I'm sure she'll thank me for settling things now.  
AC: No, she will not.  
TA: Let's see…  
AC: No, stop that.  
TA: Weeeeeeell… I would put AT and TC among the last to go considering the time difference.  
AC: Cut it out.  
TA: And maybe CG ought to go first since she's the one organizing this mess.  
TA: Or maybe we can shove GA out first.  
TA: He'll finally be useful! Like those old canaries in mines thing.  
AC: No!  
TA: Yeah, you're right.  
TA: I'm leaving you out too much.  
AC: Stop.  
TA: It's your birthday isn't it?  
AC: No.  
TA: Glad you've joined the rest of us at the ripe age of 13!  
TA: That calls for something special.  
AC: Stop it.  
TA: Birthday boy goes first!  
AC: NO.  
TA: Blimey, I'm so jealous!  
AC: Then you go first!  
TA: Too bad, it's settled!  
AC: No, it is not!  
TA: And next in line ought to be me, since no doubt you'll need me to come in and save your dainty little ass.  
AC: I do not need you of all people to rescue me!  
TA: Which means I get to be your server player!  
TA: Oh, I'm going to have so much fun with you! >:)  
AC: You leave me alone!  
TA: Wassa matter?  
TA: Don't think I'm good enough to be your server?  
TA: It's cause I'm a girl isn't it?  
TA: You sexist pig!  
AC: Your gender has no bearing on how terrible a person you are!  
AC: Only you would go out of your way to make things a nightmare for me!  
TA: What???  
TA: Are you accusing me of antagonizing you?  
TA: Well, I never!  
AC: You are doing it right now!!  
TA: Fine, then!  
TA: I'll just have to make the entry sequence without your input.  
AC: You never cared about my input to begin with!  
AC: Bluh!  
AC: This was so pointless!  
AC: Why do you do this to me???  
TA: Well, it's really quite simple, my dear Altair.  
TA: Because making you cry is fun.  
TA: >:)  
AC: Your definition of fun is broken.  
AC: Find something else to do instead of bothering me!  
AC: And you have never made me cry!  
TA: What's that?  
TA: I can't hear you over the sounds of you sobbing in a corner.  
AC: This is a text-based system!  
AC: How can you hear anything?!  
TA: Oh so sorry!  
TA: I'd love to argue, but I got things to do, places to be, you know how it is.  
TA: Can't talk with you all the time, you chatterbox.  
AC: What does that last word even mean?!  
TA: Cheers!  
TA: >:D  


****

**\-- templariaAntiqua [TA] ceased pestering alamutsChampion [AC] \--**

> **=== >**

God you hate talking to her.

> **Altaïr: Reminisce on your friendship with TA.**

What friendship?

She literally came right out of nowhere one day and started hurling abuse at you.

You were certain that you'd been keeping a low enough profile that random trolls wouldn't bother you, but apparently not. You're not certain what you did exactly that warranted such attentions from her, but you're sure it has to with both your... affiliations.

> **Altaïr: What's her deal?**

She's a goddamn Templar.

It's right in her freaking chumhandle.

At least you think she is.

You're sure that no Templar would be stupid enough to make themselves so obvious. If they did, the Assassins would be on them in no time. But it could also be an Assassin specific trap, luring in those dumb enough to go for something so obvious. So then is TA's Templar-ness an unironic sign she is one or is she doing to just to bait you into a trap? Or perhaps she's doing it on purpose to make you wonder what her intentions are and force you to ask if she's an actual Templar. And if you do, you're going to reveal that you're an actual Assassin and give away your position in the process, forcing this whole region of the Assassins to go to ground because you made another stupid mistake. And this is if she actually is a Templar and not just some over-enthusiastic role-player and GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

> **=== >**

Trying the peel back the layers of intent from some girl's chumhandle is ridiculous and it's giving you a headache.

> **=== >**

As it stands, for all she harasses you online, she's never exactly made a direct reference to the Templars or their doctrines aside from just using the name in her handle. She seems content to just annoy the crap out of you.

On your part, you've never mentioned anything about the Templars or even gave a sign that you were an Assassin. It's just that brain bending conundrum that making you hold back from really doing anything against her. You figure she'll eventually either slip-up and reveal herself or wind up just being a civilian fan of the historic Templars or something.

Only then will you finally do something.

> **Altaïr: Consider the nature of the Templars.**

Templars are the mortal enemies of the Assassins. They suck and hate freedom and they secretly have taken control of the world, making things harder for everybody. The end.

You don't feel like giving them too much thought right now. You've got friends waiting to talk to you after all.

> **=== >**

Well… at least these last two are people you can actually call friends. Even if you sometimes question your friendship with one of them.

> **Altaïr: Open constantinopolitanGraduate's window.**


	10. Chapter 10

> **Altaïr: Open constantinopolitanGraduate's window.**

You're not in the mood to deal with another dose of nonsense just yet. You decide it's probably much better for you to talk to the only sane friend currently waiting on you.

Maybe she's got some good news to help cheer you up a bit.

> **Altaïr: Answer constantinopolitanGraduate.**

**\-- constantinopolitanGraduate [CG] began pestering alamutsChampion [AC] \--**

CG: Happy birthday, Altaïr! :DDD  
CG: It's great to finally see you back on Pesterchum!  
CG: Did you get any cool presents?  
AC: No, I have not received any gifts, but thank you for remembering.  
AC: And I am somewhat happy to be back on.  
CG: Only somewhat? :(  
AC: Unfortunately.  
CG: Hmm...  
CG: I'm going to guess it has something to do with our mutual knight obsessed friend?  
AC: When has it not?  
CG: Ugh! I've been spending the last few weeks trying to get her to lay off on you!  
CG: Good to see that the minute you get back, everything I told her got thrown out the window. >:/  
CG: I'm really sorry, I tried my best. :(  
AC: It was very kind of you to try, so please do not be upset with yourself.  
AC: Honestly, I would be more surprised if she chose to listen to you.  
AC: But I have a feeling no one can convince her to leave me alone.  
CG: You may be right.  
CG: She's being so stubborn about this weird grudge of hers! >:0  
CG: I asked AT to talk some sense into her, but she refuses to listen, even to him!  
AC: Why am I not surprised?  
AC: I just wish I knew what her problem was.  
AC: Granted, I have my suspicions, but I can not be positive right now.  
CG: I've asked her why but she won't tell me.  
CG: She just said she HAS to. >:/  
AC: Funny, she always tells me that too.  


> **=== >**

AC: That reminds me.  
AC: Why have you not finished the entry sequence whatever thing for the game yet?  
CG: Oh, that's out of my hands entirely!  
CG: I'm not worried about it. :D  
AC: Perhaps you should be.  
AC: TA is probably trying to make one up as we speak and she will ensure that I am miserable.  
CG: That's alright! :)  
CG: We're going to come to a decision together and what she decides may or may not matter at all!  
AC: What?  
AC: You are being obtuse again.  
CG: I'm just saying that you've got no reason to worry! :)  
CG: I had a dream a few days ago that showed us figuring it all out together.  
AC: And did it show you what the end result was?  
CG: Nope.  
AC: ... CG: Heh heh, sorry...  
CG: You know how my dreams are.  
AC: Yes, but again, why are we listening to magical talking clouds that only you can see?  
CG: Clouds don't talk, silly! :/  
AC: Of course not.  
CG: They're vision clouds!  
CG: You'd see them too if you'd only just wake up!  
AC: I AM awake.  
AC: How could we be communicating if that was not the case?  
CG: Don't worry, Altaïr!  
CG: It's all going to make sense once the game begins, I promise! ;D  


> **=== >**

CG: So tell me that you're excited about playing it!  
AC: Honestly?  
AC: I have no idea what to make of Sburb.  
AC: But, I suppose I am excited if you are.  
CG: Yay! :D  
CG: This is going to be great!  
CG: I can't wait to finally meet up with all you guys!  
AC: How exactly is a physical meeting even possible?  
AC: Is Sburb not just some online game?  
CG: Well... It is technically.  
CG: It's not like Warcraft where there's a constructed digital world specifically made for people to play in.  
CG: Sburb is supposed to be an "interactive reality game".  
CG: From what I understand, it just uses the internet as a means to help players connect and interact with each other's environments.  
CG: Kind of like the Sims, but we're playing in real life instead! :D  
AC: Uh.  
AC: I did not understand anything you just typed.  
AC: Also what are the Sims?  
CG: Sorry, I probably should've had a better example since you're not much of a gamer. :/  
AC: Actually, there might not be an example I would understand.  
AC: In truth, I have never played video games before.  
CG: <:0  
CG: You are joking!  
AC: I am very serious.  
AC: I was never allowed to play.  
AC: My caretakers insisted they are a waste of time and a bad influence.  
CG: I bet your mentor thinks it rots your brain too. :/  
AC: He does.  
CG: Hahaha! XD  
CG: But they let you play them now?  
AC: Um... no.  
AC: However, I am alone right now and there is no one here to tell on me.  
CG: Hehe >:)  
CG: You sneaky devil!  
AC: This is what I do for friendship.  
AC: I break all the rules.  
CG: Gasp!  
CG: A rulebreaker! :0  
CG: How many rules did you break for us?  
AC: All of them.  
AC: All. Of. Them.  
CG: My goodness!!  
AC: And if I am caught, I will surely disappear off the face of the internet forever.  
AC: When that day happens, just know that it was done all for you.  
CG: And your departure will be given a stirring eulogy as we weep into the electric beyond. ;-;  
AC: Hahaha  


> **=== >**

CG: Yay!!  
CG: I made you laugh!!!  
CG: :DDDDDDD  
AC: You have a strange tendency to make me do so.  
CG: Hehe!  
CG: It's because that's my superpower!  
CG: And I am awesome at it! :D  
AC: Pffhaha  
CG: See? :)  


> **=== >**

CG: OK, but seriously, are you sure you can still play?? :/  
AC: I am positive, since they usually trust me not to go against their word.  
AC: Typically, I do not anyways.  
AC: Besides, it is not like this game will take long, right?  
CG: Hmmm...  
CG: That really depends!  
CG: I think how long it lasts is based on how well all of us work together.  
AC: That was not as solid an answer as I would like.  
CG: It's  


> **=== >**

> **=== >**

AC: It is what?

> **=== >**

AC: Are you still there?

> **=== >**

CG: Altaïr!  
CG: I am so so so sorry!!  
CG: Something's come up on my end!  
AC: What is going on?  
CG: Nothing I can't handle!  
CG: Just an explosion!  
AC: Explosion??  
CG: Yeah, it's the fourth one this week!  
AC: Wait, fourth?!  
AC: Are you okay??  
CG: I'm fine, but I have to find the person who set it off!  
CG: We'll talk soon, Altaïr!  
AC: Good luck!  


**\-- constantinopolitanGraduate [CG] ceased pestering alamutsChampion [AC] \--**

> **=== >**

Explosions??

You're suddenly feeling scared for CG's safety.

> **Altaïr: Contemplate sending CG help.**

That is a physical impossibility.

CG lives thirteen-hundred kilometers away.

Even if you could leave this godawful castle, the borders are a mess right now so you're effectively stuck in the country.

But CG doesn't seem to be panicking too much and already has a suspect in mind. Which, you're pretty sure it's the same one as always. You have a feeling she can handle whatever's going on just fine.

> **Altaïr: Consider CG's suspect.**

There is only one person in CG's home that causes that amount trouble with enough alarming frequency to actually make her angry.

However, their issues are none of your business and you try not to pry.

> **Altaïr: Consider your friendship with CG.**

Unlike TA, CG really is someone you'd legitimately call a friend. Sure, you like most in your circle of friends well enough, but CG is the only one you can regularly have intelligent discussions with. Just by virtue of being around online more often, she is usually the one you find yourself chatting to about anything ranging from the political state of the region to just gossiping about your dorky friends. She's always had a good ear for listening and an even sharper mind for a good debate.

Funny enough, you wouldn't have even known her if it wasn't for your first, more disastrous internet-based friendship. If anything else, at least that guy gave you some practice in online conduct before you could mess up things with CG.

> **=== >**

Speaking of, that idiot is still waiting on you.

> **Altaïr: Open gironzoloAmore's window.**


	11. Chapter 11

> **Altaïr: Open gironzoloAmore's window.**

Might as well see what your weirdo friend has to say. Maybe he's calmed down in this past month?

Oh, who're you kidding, that's never happening.

You wonder what's gotten into him this time.

> **Altaïr: Answer gironzoloAmore.**

\-- gironzoloAmore [GA] began pestering alamutsChampion [AC] \--   


GA: tanti auguri altair!

> **=== >**

Oh god he's forgotten you don't understand Italian. 

AGAIN.

> **=== >**

AC: What?  
GA: auguroni altair? AC: You know I can not understand Italian.  
GA: ehi!  
GA: fine  
GA: happy birthday stupid  
GA: >:((((  


> **=== >**

AC: This would not happen if you just used English.  
GA: but thats not fun  
GA: inglese is dumb  
GA: why cant you learn italiano??  
AC: I have more important things to do. I can learn it later.  
GA: you said that years ago!  
GA: youre just lazy!  
GA: >:/  
AC: That is funny coming from you.  
GA: how is that funny?  
GA: wait you think something is funny??  
GA: oh no!  
GA: the world must be ending if altair suddenly has a sense of funny!  
AC: I believe it is called a sense of humor.  
AC: And I have always had one.  
GA: i dont believe you  
GA: you never laugh at my jokes! D:<  
AC: That is because they are terrible.  
AC: And they only make people angry.  
GA: uhhhhh  
GA: that was a very special exception  
GA: otherwise everyone else thinks theyre funny!  
AC: A few of us beg to differ.  
GA: eh no matter!  


> **=== >**

GA: where have you been anyways???  
GA: ta thought you finally ran away from the internet  
GA: what even happened??  
AC: I am not at liberty to say.  
GA: of course its a secret  
GA: when are you not hiding something? >:/  
AC: It is not hiding if I am only trying to protect my privacy.  
GA: aspetta aspetta  
GA: are you really a smelly old nonna with nothing better to do but bother little boys online????  
AC: Why do you keep saying that?  
AC: You know I am the same age and gender as you.  
GA: si certo!  
GA: unless you get on your webcamera i have no reason to believe you  
AC: You have heard my voice. Is that not proof enough?  
GA: no  
GA: i still need to know what you look like! :P  
AC: No, you do not.  
AC: We have been over this.  
GA: its only fair!  
GA: you have my picture so now i need yours!  
GA: everyone else gave me theirs too!  
AC: Everyone?  
GA: si everyone!  
AC: I doubt that.  
GA: ok it was hard but i convinced everyone else to do it  
AC: Liar.  
GA: fine everyone but you ta and jerkface sent me one  
AC: That is half of us.  
GA: chiudi il culo!  
GA: i know how to do math! >:(  
AC: Sure.  
GA: vado a pugno DDDD:<  


> **=== >**

AC: I looked that up this time.  
AC: I would like to see you try.  
GA: if what cg says is true i might be able to >:)  
AC: What?  
GA: niente  
GA: so are you ready for the videogiochi then?  
AC: The what?  
GA: ugh!  
GA: that game cg wants to make us play  
GA: remember stupid???  
AC: I have not forgotten, you butt.  
AC: Besides, I was just talking to her.  
AC: She has been emailing me the updates to our plans, so I know what is going on.  
AC: Also there is not a set entry sequence yet and if TA tries to tell you otherwise, she is a filthy liar.  
GA: hahaha! i see ta has already welcomed you back!  
AC: It was not a welcome, it was an assault on my dignity.  
GA: you?  
GA: dignity?  
GA: ha! what dignity?  
AC: You shut up.  
GA: hehehe >:)  
AC: Whatever.  


> **=== >**

GA: you two are such an old married couple  
GA: sei così carino ;P  
AC: What are you talking about?  
AC: TA hates me!  
GA: but its true!  
GA: you guys never ignore each other and you always talk!  
AC: I was not aware that trading insults is considered just 'talking'.  
AC: How does that even sound like a healthy relationship to you??  
GA: well if that is what you like in girls then i dont see why not  
AC: Oh my god, what is wrong with you?  
GA: on the other hand my tastes run with much nicer people  
GA: like dear sweet little cg...  
GA: bella mia <3  
AC: Stop mooning over CG.  
GA: no!  
GA: i will not and you cant make me!  
AC: I could just tell her how you feel about her.  
GA: NO DONT  
AC: Why not?  
AC: This act is getting ridiculous and I can not be the only one getting fed up with it.  
GA: its more complicated than that!  
AC: No, it is not.  
AC: Just say that you wish to date her.  
GA: noooooooooooooooooo  
GA: she will think im joking :(  
AC: I do not understand how that can be seen as a joke.  
AC: Especially considering your usual fare.  
GA: stai zito!  
GA: no more jokes about my jokes!  
AC: I was not making a joke, I was criticising you.  
GA: >>>>>>>>:(  
GA: come vuoi, i still cant just ask her out  
AC: Why?  
GA: because it needs to be special!  
GA: how can she tell how much i like her if i dont put some effort into it?  
AC: I am sure she can tell just fine if you simply told her.  
GA: but how that i know that she knows that i know?!  
AC: You are definitely over-thinking this if you typed that unironically.  
GA: bluh!  
GA: you dont get it  
GA: if we are to date then its only be right when we finally meet in person!  
GA: and i cant ask her right there on our very first meeting!  
GA: i have to set things up at the right time and place  
GA: perhaps by a candle light dinner and when the stars are out  
GA: well eat and talk and at the end i will turn our talking to be about dating  
GA: where i tell her anyone i date will be treated right and will have all my attention  
GA: and when shes listening carefully my hands will slip into hers  
GA: i will look into her eyes and ask  
GA: would you like to date me? :)  
GA: and if things go properly she will say yes and we will be boyfriend and girlfriend!  


> **=== >**

AC: What.  
GA: D:<  
GA: you have no sense of romance either  
AC: And yours is overblown.  
GA: no its not!  
GA: have you even seen a romantic film??  
GA: THAT is overblown  
AC: Which must be where your idea of romance came from.  
GA: and you need to see more of them  
AC: No, I do not.  
GA: perche??  
GA: are you afraid of kissing???  
AC: I live in Syria.  
GA: (^3^) (^3^) (^3^)  
AC: Kissing is how we greet each other.  
GA: smac smac smac  
AC: Are you making kissing noises at me?  
GA: (°з°)~*  
AC: Why am I still talking to you?  


> **=== >**

GA: uh  
GA: scuzi but i have go  
GA: i think my brother wants to beat me up again :(((((((  
AC: What??  
AC: "Again"?  
AC: When did that start happening?  
AC: Just what has been going on in the month I was gone?  
GA: uh  
GA: lots of things  
AC: Have you at least talked to your parents about this?  
GA: havetogociao  


****

** \-- gironzoloAmore [GA] ceased pestering alamutsChampion [AC] \-- **

> **=== >**

Huh.

That was oddly abrupt of him.

Must be some new quirk of his that he got while you were gone.

> **Altaïr: Consider worrying about GA.**

Honestly, GA's probably fine. You're sure that making exaggerated statements is just a condition of his. The more dramatic it sounds, the more grains of salt needed to take with it.

Still... Most of your chats with GA have a good chunk of time dedicated to bitching about his family giving him grief over something or another. You normally tune him out for this, but you pay enough attention to be certain that he really does along with his family despite the complaints. Real physical, fighting never comes up a lot.

...You probably ought to check up on him later.

Just in case.

> **Altaïr: Reminisce on your friendship with GA.**

While you have a few friends in real life, GA was the very first friend you'd ever made online. It was actually you who'd reached out to him after his username came up in a database of Assassin-friendly children that were considered safe to talk to. Though to be honest, the only reason you did was because your mentor insisted.

Your first conversation with GA went a bit... sideways. But he'd easily moved past that and has stuck around ever since.

While GA's not exactly what you'd consider a best friend, since that position was up until recently filled by someone else, for all his brashness and noise he's an awfully loyal guy once he gets attached to you and is always willing to fight for you. It's actually because of that habit of his that you wound up befriending the other half of your little group.

> **Altaïr: Wonder about GA's gratuitous Italian.**

It's a bit of an exercise in patience talking to GA.

Parts of your conversations with him are littered with Italian and occasionally will devolve entirely in that direction. You've had to pull up a translator way too many times to understand what he's talking about. And what he does talk about usually has something to do with popular culture, which you've honestly never cared about and prefer avoiding.

On top of that, almost half of your conversations have a tendency to end in petty squabbles. Usually because he refuses to budge from whatever position he's decided to take up against you.

Thankfully it’s not hard to get him to drop the subject by distracting him with something else entirely.

> **Altaïr: Get off the computer.**


End file.
